Tommy Cole about Life Before Success

Tommy Cole

Life before success….that’s where I am right now: I pursue my passions for free and I have a few jobs to pay my bills. It’s not glamorous or thrilling, it’s actually incredibly exhausting and stressful. Dedicating time and energy to work that you’re paid for often leaves you feeling like you have nothing left for your passion.

For quite some time I lived with shame that I had to side hustle, I developed a deep sense of self loathing. I’m a writer. It’s more than a hobby, it’s more than a passion – it is a life choice. Sure it might not be putting a roof over my head right now, but that doesn’t change my drive or my heart.

There were years that I bought into the idea that people would see me in my place before success or “acclaim” and judge me for not having it. Thinking they would look down on me for not being on top of my game yet. This petrified me. I would shy away from discussion about what I was working toward, saying “I’m just a….” Bartender, Personal Assistant, Fitness Instructor etc. I would wave that shame around like a flag so people could understand it wasn’t what I wanted for my life, but I was too cowardly to come forth with my truth.

It’s an unhealthy habit of thinking that kept me living in this place of fear; further preventing me from networking, collaborating, and growing as an artist. I lived like this for quite some time; making zero strides in my creative and professional life.

I would ask, “Why not me?” “Why can’t someone choose me?” “Where’s my shot?”. How is a painter going to sell their paintings if they won’t let anyone look at them? Furthermore, how is a painter going to sell their paintings if no one even knows they paint?

I now find the more I express my heart and share my goals – the more I open myself up to opportunities where people can help me accomplish them. And anyone who judges me for not being there yet isn’t worth having around anyway.”

Bullying Fear Self-doubt

Jessica Harmon about ACNE and IMPERFECTIONS

Jessica Harmon // seen in The 100 and iZombie

There are big changes that need to be addressed in this world, most of which are far bigger than the pimple on your nose.

I’m ‘Biting the Bullet’ to share that I’ve battled acne for 14 years in an industry averse to imperfections.

It’s something I’ve felt limited my career opportunities but not my way of life. Sure there are days when I feel I look like shit but that’s more related to how I have felt internally, and in the moment I blame my exterior. We live in an imperfect world and the only standard we should be held to is our own.

Ironically the industry I work in has helped me to let go of the need to impress others. The fact that someone could think less of you based on your weight, blemishes, hair and most importantly race, is absurd. Those people are unhappy in their hearts and they deserve your empathy not your consideration. 

I’ve been told many times I didn’t book a role due to my weight or my look. My ability as an actor wasn’t even discussed. I’ve seen beautiful young women brought to tears and worse self-harm because they don’t know their place in this world, they don’t know the beauty within them, they take what the world tells them to heart.

For a long time, women have been told what we need to look like to be considered beautiful, how we need to dress to impress or attract others. Our definition of beauty is being defined by a bunch of assholes whose opinion you in no way should take to heart. In fact, you should laugh in the face of it. The next time someone knocks you down, get up, get up and offer to help with whatever is clearly wrong in their life that taking their pain out on others is their only way of communicating their turmoil.

There are big changes that need to be addressed in this world, most of which are far bigger than the pimple on your nose. Children are frightened to go to school in America because there’s a legitimate chance they will be shot.

Millions of people in this world are starving, or without a home or in the middle of a war put on them by the same asshole people that take time to say things like “grab her by the pussy”. I can tell you right now my time is far better spent grabbing my own god damn pussy than putting on makeup so there will be a better chance you may wanna grab it too. 

Let’s stop judging the beautiful souls around us based on some outdated opinion of what your tits should look like. Look down, that’s how they should look.

Take that wasted time and put it into something that inspires you.

If we love ourselves we’ll have a lot more time to show that love to others and affect the bigger changes we desperately as a world need.  Support the people that are real.

Celebrities aren’t just like you. They have teams of people paid exorbitant amounts of money to make them look “better” than you. Plus they’re airbrushed to hell.

Stop buying into it and the industry will have to change for you. Support the shows honoring real people.

Being a grateful, happy, loving person is all the beauty the world needs from any of us.